I’ve completed my first full week as a licensed PT.  Well, sort of.  I had to do some online training for our EMR so I got to stay home on Tuesday and spend 7 hours on a conference call doing that…but still…I’m pretty sure I got paid for it.

The week did not start off all that well.  I had to finish a few evals over the weekend because it was the end of the month and they had to submit the billing or whatever.  So I was crazy stressed out about that since I didn’t really know how to use the EMR that well.  Plus, it was my birthday and I was really hoping to not have to think about work.  I had a Medicare patient coming in on Monday who I hadn’t done any tests to assess anything related to balance because I was told he was coming in for his shoulders.  He told me he was most concerned about his balance but we were waiting for the referral to get faxed over and the front office had told me it was his shoulders.  His English was very minimal too and I don’t know Chinese.  I had gotten the referral before I left on Friday saying that he was coming for both shoulders AND gait instability.  Great.  So I was all stressed out that I was going to get into trouble about that.  I had a few more evals on Monday too, so I knew that I was just going to be overwhelmed with more paperwork.  Basically, I just felt awful.

So it is Sunday night and I’m standing in the kitchen sobbing.  Like end of the world sobbing.  My boyfriend is totally at a loss for words because he can’t imagine what could be all that bad.  Despite him telling me that it is all going to work out, I just can’t seem to pull it together.  I just wanted to hide under my blankets and wake up the next morning a kid again.  Why is adulting this hard?!

This isn’t new for me.  I tend to build things up to be WAAAAY bigger than they actually are.  You’d think knowing this about myself would prevent this from happening but it doesn’t.  I had always wondered why I had had panic attacks before PT school but I’m starting to see why.  That was a HUGE step and so the amount of building it up was increased a bazillion-fold.  Starting a new job….I’d say that’s a pretty big life event, too!

So here I was crying.  I was sort of relieved that I was because I spent Wednesday-Friday of the week before driving to work feeling like I was on the verge of tears but holding them in so I didn’t look like a mess by the time I got in.  I’d then come home and be so tired I felt no urge to cry.  I was thankful to finally be letting it all out.

I woke up Monday morning still feeling like crap but I sucked it up and pushed forward.  I got to work and, sure enough, nothing was as bad as it had seemed.  Basically everything I had been stressing out about ended up not being a big deal.  And, after talking to one of my co-workers, I found out that I’m not the only one to have felt like this.  Apparently she had cried every day for a week or so when she first started.  She had even admitted to searching for a new job during the first 3 weeks of her employment.  But she said she feels a lot better now and that she really enjoys working where we are at.

Anyway, the whole point in writing all of this is for my fellow stresser-outers out there.  YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES!  It’s okay to feel overwhelmed but you’ll get the hang of it.  And trust me (someone who constantly doubts that it’ll all work out)…IT WILL BE OKAY.  Keep your chin up and move forward.  You can do this.